While there were many positives about growing up in a military family such as experiencing other cultures throughout the world, and seeing life through a wider lens—it also carried a lot of weight for myself as a sensitive child.

Sometimes it meant starting in a new school after it had already commenced, where friendship groups had already been forged. The pressure of trying to fit in and to make friends as an outsider was agonizing, only to break off these same friendships when our family got transferred again. And again, and again.  My sister and I stuck together away from our father’s temper, as my mother tried to keep the peace and provide emotional stability. It was a lonely and scary life. Thoughts of suicide entered my consciousness often. I was 10. 

My only deterrent to carrying through, was the pain and disappointment I would cause my mother. She was my only foundation, my rock.  With every transfer, every upheaval in my childhood life, and without realizing it, I began to wall off my heart to emotion; no fear, sadness, joy or love. I couldn’t face the emotions around saying goodbye again and again. I needed to survive this life.

After surviving childhood physically, I married a lovely man and had two beautiful daughters. I had a satisfying and successful career in Ultrasound for many years. My life was rich with family, friends and travel. I was set up for the rest of my life to play out.

Then my world collapsed.

My foundation, my rock – my mother had passed. That deep nurturing connection of mother-love was ripped from me.   I wasn’t ready, even though her death was a foreseen and inevitable passing from cancer. Her departure was the catalyst that woke me up. I floundered emotionally for years, ungrounded, getting deeper and deeper into silent depression, but always wearing the mask of perfection. I felt lost and alone.

My marriage felt hollow and I was a roommate participant, not understanding that the void I felt was my own walled-up heart.  While I still have much respect for my ex-husband as a provider and father to our children, I foresaw my life as a lonely existence, just as it was in my childhood.  I left the marriage, much to the shock of most everyone that knew us as a couple.

The Universe has conspired in many ways and provided opportunities and situations which guided me in my spiritual path that I walk today. There are no coincidences,
I know that now.

I later met and married a wonderful caring man who opened my heart and gently taught me to feel all the emotions, and to speak my truth. The wall that I had meticulously and subconsciously built around my heart to protect my inner child started to crumble. Together, we embarked on our spiritual path, healing our past traumas, past lives and ancestral lineage.

So here I am, many years later. Older, wiser, trained in Reiki and Intuition and with my heart wide open, fueled by my soul’s passion to help others on their journey finding and healing themselves.